I Am A T. Rex.

I am a T. Rex.

The most feared creature

and tyrant of all time.

I am also extinct,

which makes the probabilty

of me writing this poem

slim to none.

I am a T. Rex.

I can not do push ups,

but I can rip anything and

everything apart

with my tremendous teeth;

in particular I like vegetarians

because the irony amuses me.

I am the thalidomide child

from a prehistoric era;

but my era is historical

because I am of course

in history

as the greatest and most fearsome

creature of all time.

I am a T. Rex.

Leader of all Lands,

and killed only by something

that came from out of space.

My machismo mass massacre ways

are seen on such films as

Jurassic Park,

Jurassic Park II

and if they bothered to do a third

I was in that too.

I am also the inspiration

behind popular characters

in this modern culture

such as Godzilla and Rex

out of Toy Story.

I am a T. Rex.

My piss-pant inducing prowess

is cartoonized in children’s

t – shirts which depict me

as small, green and cute.

Sometimes a speech bubble

will say “Rawr” in tiny letters

which is wholly unrealistic.

It is indeed fact, that I would deafen

those little toddlers,

and give them the bollocking

of their life, as they listened

in their offensive

and emasculating shirts,

then I would rip them to shreds

to teach them the importance

of respecting your prehistoric elders.

I am a T – Rex.

Now fuck off

before I make you as extinct as me.