I cant be dragged around in the tide
of lies and anagnorisis.
I know there is a crisis
but the balls not in my hand or court.
Id have thought you'd have learnt your lesson
but memories lessen from day to day
and i don't know why i cant stand up to say:
I don't want to hear this,
talk to each other
'cos my thoughts are alone
when you have got these worries and concerns
off your chest.
Its in your best interest to feel calmer
and better for getting it out
but who do i run to?
and where can i shout?
When I'm silenced by loyalty
and the need to be true to you
and i don't want the guilt.
So although in honour i stand proud
in my heart i do wilt
because the strain is too much.
The pain is too soon.
To be reminded of last year
and i still have the scars
inside and out:
On my arms there's the cuts that shut up the bad
and the desire to get mad
because i was so fucking sad you know?
i just wanted to go like Annie's little bird
'cos i was so so low
and you were too wrapped up in self indulgence to know.
I think you did care.
You were just too scared
and didn't dare look at me
and see what creation you'd made
with your selfish desire to purge
and get higher on the happiness scale.
The only way to do that entailed kicking me down
a couple of notches until i lost my grip
and fell into the fiery darkness of Hell
and i beg you i beg you:
Please.
Please
don't make me go there again.
'Cos it was so hard to get back up from rock bottom
I can't be your morphine any more
I have to save myself.
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